Today’s reader wants to be known as Felicia. She grew up sensing things and hiding them from other people because of her intense Christian background, only to later realize that her mother grew up with the same abilities, and she too had to tamp them down.

Felicia’s answers are in Taglish (a mix of English and Tagalog) but can be easily understood, even if you don’t know Tagalog. If you do know Tagalog, the #hugot is strong in this one.

Do you believe in the supernatural? 

Totally believe in it; all over it. I was born and raised a Christian, so I guess it comes with the territory.

I have relatives who are the fire-and-brimstone kind of Christians, so I learned about Satan and friends really early on. I wouldn’t say I’m interested in it in the sense that I actively tried to learn more about it, though. I didn’t have books of spells or memorized chants or anything like that, though I did spend lots of time in the library reading about it. I was surrounded by people who constantly invoked the powers of the Holy Spirit to fight Evil (capital E), so the supernatural wasn’t that big of a deal.

I distinctly remember being confused as a child about one thing, though, and I suppose this confusion was what led me to a lot of the questions I asked later on in life. I remember “seeing” my first…something (I’ll get to the part why I’m calling it “something” in a bit)…during one summer Bible camp. (Told you, hardcore Christians

I was surrounded by people who constantly invoked the powers of the Holy Spirit to fight Evil (capital E), so the supernatural wasn’t that big of a deal. I distinctly remember being confused as a child about one thing, though, and I suppose this confusion was what led me to a lot of the questions I asked later on in life. I remember “seeing” my first…something (I’ll get to the part why I’m calling it “something” in a bit)…during one summer Bible camp. (Told you, hardcore Christians

I remember “seeing” my first…something (I’ll get to the part why I’m calling it “something” in a bit)…during one summer Bible camp. I remember telling one of the counsellors that I saw a ghost. She scolded me and said that there were no such things. And then I asked, “But what about the Holy Ghost?” No kidding. And I didn’t even say it like in a nang-ga-gago way. But she thought I was, and she just talked to one of the head counselors and I (don’t remember what happened after). Anyway, because of that experience, I kinda just shut up about the things I “saw” after that. Besides, it was hard to explain, which is what I’ll attempt to do now.

Basically, I don’t “see” dead people (or spirits kasi hindi naman lahat sila people dati…) as much as I *feel* them. And emphasis talaga sa “feel” kasi my awareness of their presence is REALLY intense. It starts with an intuition that something is there. And then I start feeling what they’re feeling. And because of that, I start sensing what they’re sensing. Not just that I sense that they sense my presence, but I can sense their experience of their own presence. And because of that, I can sense what they look like. Like, I can “feel” or sense my two legs, or the length of my hair because the tips graze my shoulders. So I can sense what they look like. Sometimes all of that awareness happens gradually. Like a cotton sheet

Sometimes all of that awareness happens gradually. Like a cotton sheet na may tiny tip lang na nakadikit sa water na eventually magiging wet. Sometimes the awareness happens so suddenly, I am *literally* winded. Lalo na kung marami sila. I remember crossing the

I remember crossing the Tumana bridge (in Marikina) months after Ondoy (Typhoon Ketsana) and I had to rush to the restroom to vomit. I didn’t tell anyone because, well, Christian guilt. But I couldn’t shake off the feeling that it wasn’t bad, so why can’t I talk about it? When I got older and (thankfully) met some non-Christians, I didn’t feel so bad about it anymore.

It got freaky sometimes like, for example, we would go to a hotel in the province and the caretaker would talk about the resident ghost and I could tell if they were telling the truth or not because I could “see” the ghost in front of me. Or sometimes, I’ll silently confirm that it was my friend’s dead grandmother that I’d seen in the garden because there would be a picture of her in their bathroom. I also lived alone in a big house (long story) one time and the asshole ghost dude (as in he wasn’t a nice human when he was alive) was so delighted that someone could finally see him, he would give me bad dreams every night.

Or sometimes, I’ll silently confirm that it was my friend’s dead grandmother that I’d seen in the garden because there would be a picture of her in their bathroom. I also lived alone in a big house (long story) one time and the asshole ghost dude (as in he wasn’t a nice human when he was alive) was so delighted that someone could finally see him, he would give me bad dreams every night.

Later on, my mom and I were talking about this randomly and that and she casually told me how she used to sense ghosts and other supernatural beings so intensely when she was younger, but she had to stop because it was getting so powerful, (and also because of the Christian thing). I was so flabbergasted, let me tell you. I’d been hiding it all these years, only to find out I inherited it from my mother. I got super interested in it after that. I wanted to know why this was happening to me, what I could do about it, etc.

I didn’t really consult anyone because I couldn’t trust anyone enough, so it was all library work (there was no Google at that time). I didn’t know if there’s such a thing as a supernatural muscle, but for whatever reason, it was like exercising because I was suddenly becoming more sensitive to everything. As in I was starting to dream of people who were going through stressful times, only to be told days later by these same people that they were having a hard time and were thinking of calling me.

I wanted to know why this was happening to me, what I could do about it, etc. I didn’t really consult anyone because I couldn’t trust anyone enough, so it was all library work (there was no Google at that time). I didn’t know if there’s such a thing as a supernatural muscle, but for whatever reason, it was like exercising because I was suddenly becoming more sensitive to everything. As in I was starting to dream of people who were going through stressful times, only to be told days later by these same people that they were having a hard time and were thinking of calling me.

Frankly, it’s tiring. Up to now, when there’s a liar in the room, I get physically tired. So I walked away from all the “research” I was doing. I dunno if I turned it off or all the choosing I did to ignore it worked. But at least I don’t feel things as intensely now. (Sayang nga e, kasi nagogoyo pa rin ako ng assholes. Sana man lang yung pagka-empath ko about that na-retain. HAHAHA. Pag love or mga ganung kieme, I have blinders on. Stupid love, hahahaha.)

What explanation do you have for your experiences, if any?

You know what? I don’t have any explanation. I mean, apart from I guess I inherited it from my mom? (Grabe din yung pag sense namin of each other. I can tell what kind of day she’s having if I put my mind to it. And she lives in a different country.) But also, I’m actually okay with that. I like mysteries. Yet another effect of being a Christian.

Story #1: Supernatural Crush

Due to some unplanned circumstances, I found myself living alone in the house that my family owned. They had all migrated to another country by then and so the house was completely empty. It had a basement and an attic a balcony and a garden. I mostly “lived” in the Master’s bedroom and stayed there most of the time. Most of the neighbors thought it was weird of me to have decided to live there and in those circumstances, but well, I was too poor to have any other choice. Anyway, one night, I decided to go to the garden because it had gotten too hot

One night, I decided to go to the garden because it had gotten too hot on the second floor. As soon as I stepped out into the garden, I felt like I had disturbed something, as if I had trespassed into some weird territory. Later that night, something choked me (while I was lying in bed). My body was frozen and I felt like I was falling and swimming (if that makes sense) in this thick pool of dark muck. I woke up gasping for air. It would happen to me three or four times a week for about three months. It was pretty terrible. The odd thing was, I never felt like that thing wanted me dead. He just liked to choke me and lay on top of me. Anyway, I was having

It would happen to me three or four times a week for about three months. It was pretty terrible. The odd thing was, I never felt like that thing wanted me dead. He just liked to choke me and lay on top of me. Anyway, I was having merienda with an older colleague of mine and he just said really casually, “Hindi ka nya iiwanan kasi nakursunadahan ka na nya.” (He won’t leave you because he likes you.) We just sorta looked at each other and he knew that I knew what he meant. He told me to get rock salt and sprinkle it on the corners of the room at first, then gradually, over the course of a few days, sprinkle it outwards until I covered every corner of the house. And just like that, “it” was gone.

Story #2: Sad Ghost Girl

My boyfriend at that time brought me to a party at one of his best friend’s house. It was the first time for me to meet his friends, so I really wanted to make a good impression. My boyfriend reminded me to try not to be so shy and make sure I spoke with as many of his friends as possible. We were all having fun and making tambay

We were all having fun and hanging out in the garden. It was a nice cool night and I was seated near the edge of the tiled portion of the garden when I started getting one of my “feelings” again. Diba I told you before how sometimes it felt like I was a cotton pad that was slowly getting soaked with water? It was something like that. Like the being was slowly inching her way towards us. When she was finally right by the tree directly in front of me, I became intensely aware of her presence. I knew that she was a young girl, about 15-17, and she was sad and bored. Weird, I know, but it was definitely boredom that I felt. And then quite suddenly, it was like she started sensing me, too. When I knew that she was

I knew that she was a young girl, about 15-17, and she was sad and bored. Weird, I know, but it was definitely boredom that I felt. And then quite suddenly, it was like she started sensing me, too. When I knew that she was sensing me na rin, I looked directly at her (I dunno why I did that, to be honest). And she was so surprised to realize that I saw her, too. And then BAM, I suddenly felt her sadness. As in she was so, so, so, so, so sad. She was sad that she couldn’t be with us, that she couldn’t laugh with us, etc. And I started feeling incredibly sad, too.

And then my boyfriend’s kabarkada (friend) announced that he and his girlfriend were going to have a baby. So everyone was happy and cheering and joking. Meanwhile, the girl by the tree just felt even more FUCKING SAD. And so I felt so sad. As in I was on the verge of weeping. My boyfriend actually scolded me because he said I was being my usual anti-social self again. I got pissed, so I left the garden and decided to smoke near the entrance ng house instead.

The kabarkada who owned the house went to where I was just to make sure I was okay. And I said, “Sorry, a. Ewan ko ba, nasapian ata ako.” (“Sorry, I think I was possessed for a minute, there,” but in a jokey way.) Pero pa-joke lang. And then he grabbed my arm and said, “Nakita mo sya ‘no?” (“You saw her, didn’t you?”) And so yun, legit pala that there was a couple who lived in that house before and their daughter died because of cancer I think, I don’t remember. I described what she looked like, and he said, yeah, that’s the girl.

Story #3: Weird Dreams

This isn’t really a story as much as it is a recurring thing. I have a recurring nightmare kasi (I won’t describe it na lang kasi it’ll reveal who I am IRL). Usually, I’m alone in these dreams. But when I have these nightmares and I’m with a friend or relative, for sure, that person is either incredibly sad or in deep shit. I don’t mean a bad day at work lang, ha. I mean really deeeep shit. After each dream na ganun, I call the person to find out what’s wrong, and it’s usually something that they need my help with. So that’s it!

Weird stuff that I’ve just kinda learned to live with. Haha!

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